Only in a Fanfic
by Zana Moon
Summary: Someone wants to bear Miroku's child, Inuyasha chokes on ramen, Kanna sings, the show gets a narrator,and Kagome and Kikyo duke it out. And that's just the begining. What could this all mean? Um, fanfiction..?
1. Confessions of a Depraved Monk

A/N: This is a bunch of Inuyasha ficlets about things that, as the title suggests, can only happen in fanfics. Some poke fun at Inu fics in general and some are just crazy, random things I thought up. None of these should be taken seriously and I apologise ahead of time if you are somehow offended by them. Or take them seriously. The chapters are not connected in any way; each chapter is its own story. Or story-ish thing, if you perfer. Anyhoo, please R&R. I would tell you not to submit flames, but it's not like I can really stop you, so knock yourself out. I just use your flames to make me some s'mores. n.n

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Inuyasha_ or any of its characters, in any way, shape, or form, because my name is not Rumiko Takahashi and if it was, I would be writing the actual manga and not some silly fanfic. The end.

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**Confessions of a Depraved Monk**

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After being slapped in the face for the millionth time that week, Miroku had to do some serious thinking. Was it worth it? All the slaps and disgusted looks he constantly recieved? Perhaps it was time to just come out and tell his friends the truth; that he was just trying to conceal his true feelings for a certain someone. A strange way to do so, even he himself admitted, but clearly effective as no one suspected a thing. Other than the fact that he was perverted.

Of course, if he told them the truth, then he would also have to tell them who he liked. There's no way they would let him get away without revealing _that_. Miroku didn't think he could do it though. He had managed to keep it secret for so long. And once they knew, things would different for sure. Especially if the object of his affections did not feel the same way. Their friendship might even ultimately be ruined. Was _that _worth it?

It was definitely risky. But he decided that he would do it anyway. The monk was tired of this farce, and he couldn't keep his feelings locked up forever or he would certainly burst!

That, and his face was getting real sore.

The gang was taking a break today (much to Inuyasha's annoyance), worn out from their latest battle with a fire demon empowered with a shikon shard. Once again they had prevailed, although Shippo nearly had his tail burnt off. Now they were on the outskirts of some village, resting up and having lunch. It was the perfect time to tell them. Miroku sighed. _It's now or never. _He took a deep breathe and cleared his throat. "Ahem. May I, uh, all have your attention for a moment?" His friends turned to look him at curiously, wondering why he sounded so strange, so...nervous?

"I have a confession to make." All eyes were on him. "I am not really a lech." The serious-ness was instantly lost at that.

"Oh suuure." Kagome said, rolling her eyes, and they all went back to eating.

Miroku winced. "No really, I'm not! That is all just a front, an act to keep you from guessing the truth!" He gotten their attention back.

"What truth?" Shippo piped.

"I, uh, I'm...in..um...I'm in..." Miroku stammered as he stared at the ground.

"In what?" Sango asked, trying to sound casual. But her heart was beating madly, for she had a feeling that she knew where this was going.

Miroku's heart was beating madly too. He gathered up his courage and shouted before he could change his mind, "I'M IN LOVE WITH INUYASHA!"

Well, the soda Kagome _had _been drinking shot out through her nose, and Miroku was suddenly clocked by Inuyasha and Sango both. Only little Shippo was unaffected, and he used this perfect oppertunity to steal everyone else's food.

Needless to say, the whole thing didn't go over very well. Before he completely blacked out, Miroku wondered how much longer he'd have to wait for his wind tunnel to kill him.

/FIN/

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A/N: This is my first parody, by the way, so sorry if it isn't that good. I try. This fic was conjured up after reading some very weird pairings, which then gave me this very weird ficlet. If you don't like the idea of Miroku being homosexual, this next one should help a bit. It's too short to put in its own chapter-thingy, so I just stuck it here since it's Miroku realated.

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**There's a First Time for Everything**

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After Miroku had finished "exeorising" the "evil spirits" from a lord's home, he and his friends were offered to stay the night. And, like always, they took up that offer. They were lead to a room and a house maid came in after them. She smiled sweetly at the guests, handing out blankets to everyone and making sure they had everything they needed.

"If there's anything else you'd like-" She began, and Miroku jumped to his feet and took her hands in his. The other's grimaced behind them.

"Actually, there is." He said, continuing with his trademark question, "Will you bear my children?"

That was very well expected of him. The maid, Marisu, was the one who did something unusal. "Sure." She said cheerfully, and beamed right up at him.

Everyone's jaw dropped to the floor, and Miroku froze at Marisu's reply. Did she really say 'sure'? But that _never _happens! And such a beautiful, young, lovely, perfect woman too! (She has a fitting name, huh?) His mind emptied to a complete blank and he couldn't even move. For a moment, everything was dead silent. Then Sango sprang up to her feet.

"We must've landed in an alternitive universe!" She cried out, shaking everyone to their senses. "Let's get outta here! NOW!"

They made a dash for the door, Inuyasha and Kagome dragging a stiff Miroku along, and ran as far away as possible. The confused maid watched them go. "Oh my..." She blinked and frowned. "Was it something I said?"

/FIN/


	2. Empty Shades Have Feelings Too

A/N: I will not be puting up a disclaimer for every chapter-thingy. If for some odd reason you need to see it, just go to the first chapter. I will be adding more ficlets this weekend, but please R&R to encourage me on! Even if it's negative, tell me anyway! (Like, for example, how bad my spelling is. :)I apologise; I do not have spell check.) Now, on to Kanna's 'lil ficlet.

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**Empty Shades Have Feelings Too**

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"Where is Kanna?"

"How should I know? The mindless twit probably wandered off somewhere."

Naraku narrowed those cold eyes of his, just ever so slightly. "Then go find her." He commanded. "Now. Make sure she has that mirror as well."

Kagura snorted in reply, but reluctantly went off to do what she was told. Talking back to Naraku never got her anywhere, she knew, so there was no point in it. To her, there was no point to any of this. She was a puppet for a monster, with no freedom for herself. She could only hope and wait for the day Naraku would drop dead.

But for now, Kagura had better just go and get her "elder sister". This was a little strange, since Kanna normally just stayed around the same spot all day until she was ordered to do something. She was nothing. She felt nothing, thought nothing, and for the most part, said nothing. Yes, she was nothing through and through.

Kagura couldn't locate her anywhere inside the castle, so she went outside to the grounds. It was very unlikely that Kanna would here, but Kagura knew of nowhere else to look. Besides, it was a fine, windy day and it felt good to get some fresh air. Taking her time, she strolled along, not really keeping an eye out for Kanna. If she was out here, Kagura would spot her easily anyway. The girl was literally as white as a ghost.

She had almost circled the entire castle now and was about to head back in when she heard it. Someone singing, tunelessly, from behind the trees.

"La-la-la, da-da-laaa-da-dahh!"

It sounded familiar; not the song but the voice. Kagura quietly walked over, coming up from the behind. Her eyes widen to the size of saucers when she saw the voice's owner.

"Kanna?"

The shade-girl looked up at her sister, cleary startled. Not of course, as startled asKagura was. Kagura gazed down at her, disbelieving her eyes. First of all, Kanna never looked startled before. She never looked anything! And she never played. Or sang. Or made daisy chains. Or did anything without first being told to. _This must be a sign_, Kagura thought feverishly, _It's the end of the world!_

After awhile, when it was clear that Kagura was not currently capable of speech, Kanna decided to break the silence.  
"Little sister," She adressed her, hoping it might make her mad and get her to talk, "Would you like a daisy necklace? I have plently made..." Kagura ripped apart the flowers as Kanna tried to hand one to her.

"What in all the Hells is going on, Kanna!"

Kanna frowned. "I'm just having fun."

"Fun? FUN!" Kagura snapped, "You're nothing! A slave! An empty shade! You. Do. Not. Have. Fun!" She still couldn't believe it, but yelling somehow made it seem less abnormal.

"I may be an empty shade, but I have feelings too ya know!" Kanna retorted.

"What? That doesn't even make any sense! You're Kanna, made from nothingness! You don't have feelings. Or emotions. Or a personality!"

For a minute it looked as if that had some effect, and Kanna seemed almost herself again. Then Kagura noticed she was crying. Crying? It wasn't possible! Not Kanna.

She was at a loss now. What on earth should she do? What would Naraku say? _Naraku._ That's right. He told her to go and get Kanna. He didn't say anything about dealing with her sudden burst of personality. So let him deal with. "Kanna, Naraku has summoned you. Get your mirror and go see what he wants."

Kanna wiped her white tears on her white sleeve and shook her head. "Nuh-uh. Naraku's no fun." Kanna disobeying an order?

"It's not about fun!" Kagura growled, growing more confused and angry by the mintue.

"I bet you don't even know what fun is." said Kanna, who was no longer crying but pouting.

"Of course I do!"

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too!"

"Then tell me."

That caught Kagura off guard. "Well, it's...it's when you...you know, do stuff, that...that, uh, you... Arrg! Who cares anyway?"

Kanna smiled. "Don't worry sister, I'll teach you what fun is! With song!" She took a deep breathe and before Kagura could stop her, she burst out in her tuneless voice. "F is friends who do things together! U is for you and me! N is for anywhere, at any time at all, down here in..."

_What is taking them so long?_ Naraku was tired of waiting; it had been more than an hour ago when he sent Kagura to fetch Kanna. What could possibly be keeping them? Irriatated and angry, he got up and went to search for them himself. And when he found them, they were going to get it...

_A most terrible omen! _Naraku thought as he watched in horror as his two shades danced around happily together, smiling, tossing flowers, and singing a songs about having fun. _The end must be near!_

/FIN/

A/N: Okay, I actually hafta put a disclaimer here after all. Special circumstance. **Disclaimer:** I do not own the Spongebob Squarepants Fun song. All rights go to...whoever.

Thanks for reading and I hope I'm getting better, so you'll enjoy it! Updates soon.


	3. Obedience Trained

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**Obedience Trained**

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"What took you so long? I thought you'd only be gone a day!"

"Yeah, well, I had to study a little bit. I don't want to fail school."

"Feh. Forget your stupid school. This is more important."

Only three minutes in the Feudal Era and already Inuyasha was getting on her nerves. Why couldn't he be just a little considerate for once? Kagome narrowed her eyes and gave him that look. That look he knew all too well.

"Hey! Don't you-"

"SIT!"

Inuyasha crashed into the ground. Kagome felt much better now. She leaned over and pat him on the head. "Good boy."

"I am NOT a DOG!" He yelled, pulling his head out of the ground. He spit out some dirt from his mouth and sat up, glaring angerly at Kagome.

"I dunno, you sure act like one." She said teasingly, looking at those beads around his neck, an idea forming in her mind. _I wonder..._

"Inuyasha, roll over!"

At first, nothing happend and he was about to tell her how stupid she was, but before he could open his mouth a strange compelltion came over him. He couldn't stop himself. He went back on the ground and rolled over. "H-huh? What the hell!"

Kagome didn't know if she should be stand amazed or just start laughing. Curious to see what else she could do to him, she snapped off a twig from a nearby tree and waved it over his head. "Oh Inuyasha..."

He growled at her. "Don't you even think about-"

"FETCH!" She threw the twig, and he was instantly on all fours, forced to chase after it. He caught it with his mouth and ran back, holding his head up so she could take it from him. Kagome was laughing so hard it hurt.

"Hahaha...good doggie..haha!" She took the twig and made to throw it again, but Inuyasha leapt up and broke it into two.

"Stop that!"

"Fine." She said, grinning ear to ear. "Then how 'bout this? Play dead, Inuyasha!"

Once again, Inuyasha's body began to move on its own, despite that he didn't want it to. He pulled out the Tetsusaiga and held it up in front of him. Kagome stopped laughing and stared at it, wondering what he was going to do. Apparently he was wondering the same thing. Then he was moving again. He thrust his sword under his left arm and staggered back as if he had been stabbed,moaned, fell over, and stuck his tounge out. Kagome erupt back into laughter and Inuyasha shook himself, once the charrade was over. How the heck was she doing that?

Kagome didn't actuallyknow how either,but truthfully, she didn't care. This was fun. Inuyasha was up again, resheathing his sword and getting ready to give her a what-for, but she pushed past him and headed towards the village. He started after her, his rage boiling, but he didn't get very far. Half giggling and half commanding, Kagome turned around and yelled, "STAY!"

Inuyasha was jerked to a halt and found that his legs wouldn't move. Kagome flashed him a smile and walked off, leaving him stranded behind.

"Kagome! Get back here!" He shouted, watching her dissapear down the path. "Come back! KAGOMEEE!"

_Revenge is sweet_,Kagome thought blissfully.

/FIN/

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A/N: This turned out a little different than I planned and bit slapdashed too, but oh well. It was just something that popped up in my mind while reading the manga. (Which, by the way, is a lot better than the anime. :P )

More ficlets coming soon, to a fanfiction site near you!


	4. Dogfight

A/N: This has nothing to do with fighter planes. The title is just a twist of another term. Because I'm just _that _clever. xD

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**Dog-Fight**

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Alright, no more Mr. Nice Guy. Stupid Kikyo was always showing up, stealing Inuyasha away from her, and Kagome was sick of it. Before, she would just let it go and get over it. But not any more. She was not going to just sit back and let some living-dead preistess take _her _Inuyasha away to Hell! Nuh-uh.

This was the last straw. That Kagome was always hanging all over Inuyasha, steering his heart away from her, and Kikyo was fed up with it. Before, she would just let it go and get over it. But no more. Inuyasha was _her's_ and she was not going to just stand back and watch some recarnation of herself from the future have him! No way.

The two were staring daggers at each other, both reaching for slowly for their bows. Inuyasha's eyes bulged out at this and he quickly jumped in between them, snatching their bows away. And, without really thinking because he was in a panic, he snapped them both in two. So at least they were weaponless now. Problem solved, right?

Of course not.

Kagome turned and yelled "SIT!" while Kikyo silently ordered her Soul Skimmers to wrap around him and hold him still, leaving him helplessly tied up on the forest floor. There would be no interferrence. Only one of them could have Inuyasha, and since he apparently couldn't decide, they would do it for him. Right here, right now. Kagome rolled up her sleeves and Kikyo pulled her hair back. Who needed bows anyway?

"H-hey!" Their love called from the ground, "Cut this out, both of yo-muhmmg!" Another Soul Skimmer had glided down and coiled around his mouth, using itself as weird looking make-shift gag. Inuyasha tried biting it, but even then it wouldn't relent. It's amazing how strong those things were. Poor Inuyasha couldn't do a single thing now but watch and pray the two women wouldn't kill each other.

"You're going down, you crazy psycho!" Kagome shouted, balling her hands into fists and holding them up.

"Oh, is that so?" Kikyo replied, taking the same stance. "Go ahead andtry, fool!"

They launched forward at the same time, pumped and ready to beat the snot out of each other. Kikyo slammed a fist into Kagome's side. Kagome popped her one in the face. Both fell back, wincing with pain and flapping their stinging hands, going "Owwie, owie, owie!" Who knew it hurt so much to hit someone?

Okay, this called for a new tactic. They turned back around to face each other, snarling, and went back at it. Only this time, they fought differently. Like sissy girls, if I may. There was face-slapping, arm-pinching, Indian-burns, eye-poking, the works! Inuyasha watched the fight, partly worried, partly amused, but overall humilated. First off, this was all backwards. Two guys were supposed to battle each other for the girl, not the other way around! And, more importantly, he was stuck on the ground like a helpless pup while Kagome and Kikyo acted like little kids who both wanted the same toy.

"Ouch! Stop twisting my ear!"

"Well you stop pulling my hair! Ow!"

They were locked together in "combat". They fought as if they were two highschool girls in the hall during the time in between bells, fighting over something stupid, like having a crush on the same guy, and pulling off a bunch of cheap shots. Oh, wait a minute...

Finally, they broked apart, exhausted and aching from countless scratches. But this didn't stop them from starting the Dozens. A verbal battle ensued.

"Stupid zombie-freak!" Kagome shouted.

"Foolish copy-cat!" Kikyo retorted.

"Wicth!"

"Simpleton!"

"Froot-loop!"

"Egnoramous!"

"Freakin' lunatic!"

"Ignorant ninny!"

"Ugly!"

"You look just like me, pinnhead!"

"Darn, you're right. But at least I'm not as fat as you, cow."

"What? But I've been dieting!" Kikyo wailed.

Inuyasha wasn't even paying any attention to them by now. He was working on getting himself free. The Soul Skimmers wouldn't budge, but he found that he could wiggle around. He inched his way to the left and waited to see if they would do anything. They didn't. They only held him tight so he couldn't move his arms or legs, as they were ordered to, but they did nothing against his wiggling about. He glanced up to see if the girls noticed him (being too caught up with insults, they didn't), then started worming his way to freedom, Soul Skimmers and all.

"Idiotic, insane, filthy soul-stealing loser!"

"You know, we're getting nowhere with this." Kikyo scoffed. In truth, she was out of comebacks. Besides, since they were from different time periods, neither of them understood most of the insults anyway.

Kagome sighed. "Yeah, I guess so." She reluctantly agreed. Then, she suddenly perked up. "How 'bout this?" She said, confidently pointing a finger at Kikyo. "I challenge you to a competition! Winner gets Inuyasha and the loser has to go away forever!" Talk about spur of the moment.

"Fine." She replied evenly. "I accept your challenge. Better start packing now, girl." She sneered, but she wasn't as sure as she sounded. Neither was Kagome. It was a fifty/fifty chance, win or lose. Kagome gulped and gathered up her courage.

"Okay, let's go! Rock, paper, scissors!"

Kagome was victorious.

"Best two out of three!" said Kikyo.

"Fine, you're on!"

This time (now that she knew how to play) Kikyo won.

"Grr... TIC-TAC-TOE!" Kagome challenged now, and they were at it again.

_--Two and a half hours later..._

"Ha! I win!"

"No fair! I tripped!"

"So?" Kikyo said mildy, "If you can't stay on your feet, you shouldn't attempt to race someone."

Kagome fumed, "Your the one who tripped me! CHEATER!"

"Oh? Well remember when you blew in my face during the staring contest? What do you call that?"

"That was completely legal!"

"M'hm, sure it was." They both glared at each other for awhile, overflowing with anger but too worn out to do anything with it.

"Look, how about we just ask Inuyasha to pick who he likes more." Kikyo raised an eyebrow at this. Kagome shrugged. "We'll make him choose. I can't think of anything else."

"Alright then." They both turned around to the spot where they last left Inuyasha and spoke the same thing at the same time.

"Inuyasha, who do you like more?"

Only silence answered them. Not because Inuyasha was gagged, but because he was long gone, since he had more than enough time to inch away. The two stared dumbly at the empty air, both feeling defeated. The minutes ticked away. The awkward silence was finally dispersed when a loud growl erupted from Kagome's stomach. "Heh heh." She looked at Kikyo uncertainly. "Uh, do ya want to go back to the village and get some takoyaki?"

Kikyo's own stomach grumbled in response. "Sure." She said.

And so they went, their dilema over Inuyasha momentarily forgotten, like most things are when one is hungry.

_So kiddies, what did we learn from this story?_

Love triangles suck.

And they can make you hungry.

-FIN-

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A/N: By the way, before anyone asks me, the Dozens is a game were you insult each other back and forth, normally ended when someone can't make a comeback or breaks down from the name-calling. It can be a joking thing with friends or a verbalfight with enemies, like in this story. 

To the awesome people who reviewed so far: Domo arigatou! Many thanks! You all get jumbo lollipops! n.n

I haven't decided which ficlets to add next, but it will either be the one with the well, the majorly major death-fic spoofy, or the spoof on crossovers. They'll all be put up at some point though, so keep checking back!


	5. Bone Eater Indeed

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Bone Eater, Indeed

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"Alright guys, I'm off!"

Kagome's friends all turned to look at her. "And just where do you think going?" Inuyasha asked.

Kagome decided to ignore his rudeness today. She didn't have time to argue with him. "Back to my own era." She answered simply, heaving her backpack over her shoulders.

Inuyasha's face dropped. "But I didn't even do anything to you today!" He protested, thinking she was leaving because she was mad at him again.

"Oh, I know." She flashed him a smile to reassure him. "But it's my grandpa's birthday, and we're having a little party for him. He's like, eighty-something years old today, and I told him I'd be there."

"Aww," Shippo whinned, "You're always going back to your time and having fun!" Kagome blinked. Fun? It was just going to be her family and some of her grandpa's bingo buddies. What was fun about that? But she didn't bothering bringing this up; it wouldn't matter.

"Oh Shippo, I wish I could bring you along, but you know I can't."

Bad choice of words, Kagome.

"But why not?" He asked, "Inuyasha goes through the well all the time! I bet I could too, if I really tried!"

"Shippo, the well doesn't work that way." Not that she knew how the well worked. All she knew was that only her and Inuyasha could use it. No one else ever made it through. Why was that, anyway?

"But maybe we could make it work!" Shippo piped, still going at it.

"Shippo-chan..." Sango sighed. Honestly, she wanted to go Kagome's Era too, and see what it's like. But she knew it was impossible. Right?

"Actually, I think Shippo may be onto something." Miroku said, "We might be able to pass through the well, with some help." Apparently he wanted to see the future too.

Kagome inwardly winced. She knew whatever theories they came up with wouldn't work. And even if they did, she wasn't quite sure she wanted to deal with a bunch of people from the Feudal Age showing up at her granpa's birthday party. Shippo stared up at her, wide-eyed and hopeful, luring her in with his "I'm-cute-and-innocent-so-please-don't-say-no" face. She threw a helpless glance at Inuyasha, but he just shrugged.

"Oh, all right. Let's go and give it a shot, but don't get your hopes up everyone."

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The gang was gathered around the Bone Eater's Well, Miroku's arm linked with Inuyasha's, his other arm pulled around Kirara, and Sango's arm linked with Kagome's, who was holding Shippo.

"I think it's best if we all jump in at the same time," Miroku was saying, "Because when the well goes to transport both Lady Kagome and Inuyasha, it will be easier for us to pass along with them."

"I guess that makes sense." Kagome said, but she had a feeling something was going to go wrong.

"Okay. On the count of three. One...two...THREE!"

And so Inuaysha and Kagome jumped in, pulling their friends in behind them, and the well light up with its magic. Only none of them reached the bottom. Once they were all in, they got crammed together. It was like trying to get six people through a single doorway all at once. They were stuck, and the well's light dimmed away.

"Well, wasn't this a _great _idea!" Inuyasha grumbled, squeezed next to Kagome and Shippo.

"I think it turned out better than expected." Miroku said coyly, his face just inches apart from Sango's. He puckered his lips and acted like he was about to kiss her. CONK! Since her hands were tangled up, Sango had to use her head to smack him. Of course, now her head hurt as well.

"Can we please get out of here now?"

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"Uhh, I don't know about this guys..."

"Don't be silly, Lady Kagome. This time we'll certainly get through." Miroku handed out a small piece of the scared jewel shard to everyone but Kagome and Inuyasha. "Hold onto these tight and jump in." He directed, then added hastily, "But one at time. Inuyahsa will go first, to make sure the well is working."

_It better be working._ Kagome thought wearily. She was already late.

Inuyasha jumped in with ease and with a flash of light, disappeared. Miroku grinned. "Good. Now, it's my turn. Here goes!" He jumped in, gripping onto his piece of the Shikon shard, and the well lit up once more. Kagome gaped. He made it through?

Excited, Shippo bounced in after him, and Sango quickly followed suit. They were going to the future! As the well lit, Kagome reluctantly jumped in too, holding Kirara. Something seemed off to her.

"Arrggg, my back! Getoffofme!"

"I can't! My leg is twisted behind me and Kagome has just landed ontop of me!"

"Sorry Sango. I thought you guys made it through. Hold on, I'll get us out. Ouch! Oh god, I think I dislocated my shoulder!" Kagome looked at her right arm in despair as it hung limply. She had landed on it funny when she fell onto Sango. She would have made it through if the others weren't blocking the way.

"Wow, the future sure is strange! Look at all the bright colors!"

"Shippo, we're not in the future!" Sango snapped.

"These stars are weird. Why won't they go away? Is it some kind of game you play in your era, Kagome? Do I hafta count them or something?"

"Shippo, I think you hit your head..."

"Ahhgg! Stop moving around, Shippo!"Miroku moaned, "You're making my back worse!"

"Catch the stars, catch the stars, gotta catch the pretty stars!" Shippo sang, trying move around. Since he was small enough, he was able to squeeze out from between Miroku and Sango, thus causing the whole pile of them to shift.

"Ahh! My other leg! I think it snapped!"

"Arg, my collar bone!"

"Oh no! I think I'm sitting on Kirara!"

"Guys, can we go back now?" Shippo asked, his tail caught under Sango's broken leg. "The future isn't that much fun..." Before anyone could anwser him, he passed out.

Everyone sighed, and/or winced with pain. "What a perfectly named well." Miroku said, his voice dripping with sarcasism and agony, "Bone Eater indeed."

"Okay, everybody...just stay calm." Kagome gasped. "We just have to wait for Inuyasha to come back and get us out." The others mumbled in agreement, and they all tried to stay as still as possible to prevent futher injury. Inuyasha would be back any minute, having notice no followed after him, and then he could pull them out.

Only he sure was taking some time...

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"Oh, what a cutie pie you are! And those doggie ears of yours are just adorable! Here, have the rest of my cake. I can't finish it all."

"Yumm. Thanks old lady." Inuyasha slid her piece of cake onto his plate and then started shoveling it into his mouth.

"Obaba-chan, stop spoiling the boy! By the way, boy, where is my grand-daughter? You said she was on her way. (And I don't remember inviting you...)"

"Huh? Oh, Kagome? Feh. Don't have a heart attack, old man, she'll get here." And Inuyasha went straight back to his cake, just vaguing wondering what was taking Kagome and the others so long.

-FIN-

* * *

A/N: So many fanfics have the gang going to Kagome's era, so it gave me this idea to have them try and fail. And break a lot of bones in the process. If you have a fic where they do get through the well, and you read this spoof, please don't feel bad or offended. I didn't write any of these ficlets to show that I don't like fanfics, because I do like them. It's just for fun, no harm meant. By the way, the old granny (Obaba-chan) was just a random bingo buddy of Kagome's grandfather I made up, that came to his b-day party. (I'm not even sure if the old preist evens plays bingo...)

About the last ficlet; someone asked where Inuyasha wiggled off to afterhe escaped. Well, he went to the place everyone escapes to: Sunny Mexico! (Don't ask me how he crossed the ocean.) Thanks for the reviews everyone! (And keep 'em coming! n.n) I'm so glad somebody actually reads these things. )


	6. A Voice From Above

_**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**_

**A Voice From Above**

_**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**_

**Inuyasha and the gang continue their relentless search for Naraku and the shards of the Scared Jewel. **

"Uh, did anyone else hear that?"

**Today our heros head north to the Verihugentall Moutains, where Kagome senses a shard is located.**

"Yeah, I hear it too Shippo."

**Little do they know of the dangerous dangers that lie ahead.**

"Dangerous dangers?" Miroku raised an eye brow.

"Who the hell is that!" Inuyasha yelled, his hand going to his sword.

Sango blinked and looked up. "Do you think we're being watched?"

"Not just watched," Inuyasha growled, "Someone's spying on us! How else would they know all that stuff?"

"But if someone's spying on us, why would they announce it like that?" Shippo piped. He felt a little better now, knowing that everyone else could hear the voice too and he wasn't going crazy. Of course, the fact that there was a voice made him cower behind Kagome.

"Shippo's got a point." She said. "Huh. Why does this seem kinda familar..."

**The friends stop to discuss their tactics.**

"We're not discussing tactics! We're discussing you!" Inuyasha looked around wildly, sniffing the air for any unfamilar scents. He found nothing. "Where the hell are you? SHOW YOUSELF!"

**No.**

"You coward! Fine, I just find you myself!" He twitched his dog ears, trying to listen to where the voice was coming from.

Above? He frowned and glanced at the clear, blue sky. No one was there.

"Maybe he's invisble?" suggested Miroku. He didn't see the voice's owner anywhere either.

**Nope, not invisble. But you'll never see me.**

"Well, if we never see you, that would make you invisible." Miroku agrued. "Unless...unless you are not here."

**Oooh, getting warmer. See Inuyasha, you should be more like the monk and start thinking once and awhile.**

Kagome giggled despite herself, which only made Inuyasha more upset.

"You bastard! If you're gonna insult me, why don't you come down here and say it to my face?"

**Inuyasha loses his temper again and starts failing about, itching to yell some more.**

"SHUT UP!"

**See what I mean?**

"Okay, that's it! I'm going to find out where you're hiding and when I do, I'll shove my sword so far-"

"A narrator!" Kagome interupted, "He's a narrator!"

**Bing-bong, we have a winner! **

"Lady Kagome, what's a narrator?"

"They're people who, well, narrate. You know, they tell the story of something."

"Okay," said Miroku, "But why do we have one?"

"Uh, good question. I have no idea. Normally they narrate a book, or a cartoon..."

**You poor, clueless people...**

"What was that?"

**Oh, nothing.**

"Well, I don't like it." Inuyasha declared. "How do we get him to go away?"

Sango nodded. "Yes, this is quite unsettling." Everyone looked at Kagome.

"Hey, don't ask me. I dunno."

Inuyasha pulled out his sword and waved it up at the air. "Begone narrator! Go away or else!"

**Or else what? You can't do anything to me. Nah-nah.**

"Grrrr..."

"What if we asked nicely?" Shippo said. Inuyasha bopped him on the head. "Ow!"

"Are you stupid? Asking him 'nicely' isn't going to do anything!"

"Oh, what do you know!" Shippo shot back. He jumped up onto Kagome shoulders (so Inuyasha wouldn't hit him again) and shouted to the sky. "Voice-san! Will you pretty please leave us alone?"

"Yeah," Kagome added, thinking this might work, "It's very kind of you to narrate for us, but we don't really need it. Thanks anyway, though."

**See, all you had to do was be polite. **

Inuyasha huffed and crossed his arms. "So you'll go away now?"

**Sorry, no can do.**

"What? But you just said-"

**I can't go. This is my job. It's not much, but it puts food on the table and-**

"ARGGG!"

"Um, Lady Kagome," Miroku whispered, "How do we deal with this?"

"SHUT UP, WILL YOU! JUST SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!"

"Well..." Kagome said over Inuyasha's shouts, "I guess if there was a way to get the guy fired, then he'd be gone."

"Fired? The man's annoying but I don't think he deserves to be burned."

"That's not what fired means, Sango. When someone is fired, they're don't have their job anymore."

"So, if we get him fired, he won't need to narrate anymore?"

"Yup. That's right." The group turned their attention back to Inuyasha and the narrarator. They apparently had gotten into an arguement.

"I don't care if you get health insurance or not! I don't even know what that means!"

**I didn't think you would. **

"And what's that's supposed to mean?"

**Just what I said. Gee, you're not exactly the brightest of the bunch, huh?**

"Are you saying I'm stupid?"

**No, not all. -**cough**- _Stupid_.**

"Hey, I heard that!"

**Heard what? I just have a little cough, is all.**

"That was so fake! You just called me-"

**Poor, delusional Inuyasha. Maybe you should get your ears checked.**

"My ears are fine, you fool! And it's you who is delusional here! I don't know how you think you are-"  
**I told you, I'm the narrator. See, you do have faulty hearing.**

"I DO NOT!" Inuyasha was boiling mad now, nearly jumping with frsutration at the fact that he couldn't find this narrator guy and give him a what-for.

**That's probably why you yell so much. Cause your hearing's sobad.**

"Voice-san?"Kagome cut in, before Inuyasha completely lost it. "It seems to me that you are not doing your job very well. For one thing, you're not even narrating anymore."

**Uh, well, that's not really-**

"You're picking fights instead," Kagome continued coolly, "And provoking Inuyasha. In fact, because of you disruption, we have been delayed on our mission." The narrator didn't respond, but they could hear soft mumbling coming from above, as if there was someone else up there too. Some more mumbles and then a shout. The narrator's voice was audible again.

**But sir! I didn't-she's just-that's not-oh, please don't do this to me! I have three goldfish at home!**

After a long silence, Sango turned to Kagome and whispered, "Is he fired?"

Kagome paused, then nodded. "Yup! We are now narrator-free!" And everybody cheers.

_The gang is estatic about the quick defeat of the unseen foe and they celebrate the victory._

"Oh, god no..."

"That can't be-"

"You've have got to be kidding me! They found a replacement that quick?"

"Uh, lady Kagome, what should we do now?"  
_Our heros' joy leaves as quickly as it came, for it seems some perilous peril has come their way._

"Just ignored him." She sighed. "Maybe he'll go away. Or maybe we'll get used to it..."

-FiNnY-

* * *

A/N: A quick little fic to keep ya's busy while I try to get through this school week. Sorry if it's a bit drab; my mind has been numbed by the evil teachings of alegbra and college prep goverment. 

Up next: Mew Inuyasha, part one (The crossover spoof)


	7. Mew Inuyasha

**Mew Inuyasha**

_Part One_

"Who the hell are they?"

"I don't know. Uhh...maybe they're cosplayers?"

"Crossdressers?"

"Cosplayers! You know, they do cosplay!" Inuyasha gave her a questioning glance, and Kagome sighed. "Cosplay is when fans of a show or a moive, mostly anime, dress up like their favorites charaters." More confusion from Inuyasha. Kagome shook her head. "Nevermind. If they are cosplayers, then they're certainly not from this era. Which is not good. Come on, let's go!"

As the two neared closer to the group of brightly dressed girls, Inuyasha jerked to a halt. "Look!" He said, "Some of 'em have ears."

"Well, most people do..."

"No! Look closer! That girl in the pink has cat ears. And that white one has rabbit ears. And that little one has...some type of animal ears!"

"Oh wow, I think you're right." Kagome said, squinting her eyes. "They have tails too. And that blue girl, she has wings."

"Demons!" Inuyasha declared with confidence.

"But that doesn't make sense. Why are they dressed like that? Like they're some sort of sentai? It doesn't fit this time period."

Inuyasha sniffed the air, attempting to catch the strange girls' scents. He wrinkled his nose, a look of puzzlement upon his face.

"Well?" Kagome prompted.

"They don't smell like demons. They smell like...cake."

"Cake?"

He shrugged and tapped his nose. "The nose never lies."

"Ex-excuse me?"

Both Inuyasha and Kagome jumped about ten feet in the air, startled by a demure little girl dressed in green. It was one of the demon-looking-but-not-quite-demon girls they were spying on. Apparently she snuck up on them while they were having their discussion. She forced a small smile at them, but it was clear that she was nervous. "Ahh, would you happend to know how to get back to the city?" She managed to ask, her colorful friends inching closer and staring at them. Inuyasha blinked. City was one of those future words, something that exsisted in Kagome's time. If he remembered correctly, a city was a big metal villiage with lots of people.

"Nope." He answered bluntly. "There is no city."

The girl's eyes grew wide and she turned to her friends, but they were just as confused as she was. Kagome felt somewhat sorry for them, for they obviously had no idea where-or when- they were. "What city are you all trying to find?" She asked them, smiling friendly. It was the pink haired girl who spoke up this time.  
"Tokyo!"

Kagome winced. Well, they wouldn't find Tokyo here. Maybe Edo, but Kagome wasn't quite sure if that was the same time as now, and it still wasn't the same thing anyway. These girls were definitely from her own era, or somewhere close to it. But how in the world did they get here?

"Tokyo is real far away from here." _Yeah, about a few centries or so._

"Um, did you guys happend to fall down any wells before you came here?"

"No." said the tall purple-girl, the one with ears like a wolf. Kagome waited for her to go on, but she didn't say anything else. In fact, all them were suddenly quiet. And staring. At Inuyasha.

He stared back. _What's their problem?_ He thought grumpily, his arms crossed and lips pressed into a firm line.

"He must be a new mew mew, like me." Rabbit-girl said. The others nodded.

"Huh? What did you call me? Is that an insult!"

"One of us...one of us...one of us..." They all chanted, reaching for Inuyasha and never taking their eyes off him. It reminded Kagome of brainless zombies and she took a step back away. Inuyasha was stepping back too, looking at them as if they weren't sane.

"What's your name?" asked Monkey-girl.

"I-Inuyasha..." He said, rather reluctantly.

"Mew Inuyasha, you're the newest member of Tokyo Mew Mew!"

"H-hey! I don't wanna be in any weird clan of yours!"

"Clan? We're super-heros! And we need your help, Mew Inuaysha!"

"Super-heros?" Kagome shook her head. "Sorry to break it to you girls, but if you're super-heros, then you're in the wrong time period for sure. This is Feudal Japan. I don't know how you got here, but you're in the past."

They didn't buy it. "If this is feudal Japan, how come you're wearing that school uniform?" Bird-girl asked with a smug grin. Kagome glanced down at her own attire and sighed. She really didn't feel like explaining.

"I'm from the future too. This is 500 years in the past. That's why you can't find Tokyo anywhere. Or any city for that matter. I mean, look around! Do you see any signs of technology or streets or anything modern?"

She had them there. The girls drew back from them and had a group huddle, whispering madly amoug themselves. Inuyasha caught the words 'rose crusaders', 'time machine', and 'gotta go to the bathroom'. Finally they broke apart and approached them again, Cat-girl taking the lead. "If this is the past," she said, "Then you can't be a mew mew. So what are you?"

Inuyasha realized that question was directed at him and snorted. "I'm a demon!"

"Half-demon." Kagome injected, just to tease him.

"Pfft. Demons aren't real." It was the snobby Bird-girl again.

"Oh, and super-heros are?" Kagome shot back. Only _she_ could make fun of Inuyasha.

Before anyone could open their mouth to say something more, a bright blast of energy erupted from behind them, and a tall figure emerged. "Muhahaha!" Laughed the figure, hooded and draped in robes. "How do my little Mew mews like the past? I was hoping you'd be finished off by now, but I see I will have to do that myself."

"It's him!" cried cat-girl, and she pulled a flashy pink bell-thing out of nowhere. "Attack! Strawberry Bell-bell check!" She shouted, swinging her bell and the others swinging their own odd weapons at the man. Inuyasha and Kagome stared dumbly from the sidelines, unsure if what they were seeing was real. _This is way weird, even for this era_. Kagome thought. To her, their enemy looked very much like some guy from the Klu Klux Klan, but why the KKK would be after a bunch of freaky little Japanese girls was beyond her. She noticed that said girls were losing their battle badly, so poked Inuyasha's shoulder and told him to go help.

"What? Why?"

"Because," She said, trying not to laugh, "You're Mew Inuaysha." And with that, she shoved him into the battle, leaving him with no other choice. Glaring, him yanked out his sword and rushed at the bad guy. The Mew mew girls saw this and cheered. "Mew Inuaysha's gonna fight!" Cat-girl and Rabbit-girl jumped down beside him. "Ready?" They asked, each girl taking one of his arms and weilding their weapons with their free hand.

"Lemme go! I can't use my Wind Scar if you're-"  
"Super Duper Fruity Rainbow Berry Bounce Blast!" They two girls shouted, dragging poor Inuyasha along as they attacked the KKK-ish man. He screamed and retreated into a large swirling portal that conviently appearing out of thin air. "Curse you Tokyo Mew Mew! I will be backkkk!" And he vanished.

"Whew, that was a close one. But thanks to Mew Inuyasha..."

"Quit calling me that! I already told you, I'm a demon! Besides, I didn't do anything!"

"You gave us support, Mew Inuyasha, and we couldn't have done it without you-"

"I hate to interupt," Kagome said, although she really didn't, "But don't you think you girls should be going through that portal now and returning home?" Not that Kagome was certain the still remaining portal would send them home, but quite frankly, she didn't care. She just wanted to get rid of them now. Anywhere but here.

"Not without our Mew Inuyasha!" They said, hugging onto him happily while he futilely tired to knock them off.

"Get off me, you freaks! I didn't even know you!  
"Oh! I'm Ichigo!" replied Cat-girl.

"And I'm Berry!"

"Pudding!"

"Lettuce!"

"Zaroku."

"Mint!"

"I don't care what you're names are! Go away!"

Kagome watched helplessly, wondering if the Mew Mews would ever leave. She didn't think that portal would stay there forever. Luckily, Miroku came walking down the path, and she knew then that they were saved.

"Lady Kagome! Inuyasha! Are you ready to go yet?" He stopped, seeing the Mew Mews, and his face instantlty lit up. "Well, well, well, who are these fine friends of yours?" He got right up in Ichigo's face and grinned at her, that grin Kagome knew all too well. But she made no move to stop him. "Will you bear my children?" He asked, right on que.

The girl's face turned beet red and she made a mad dash to the now disappearing portal, the other girls following her lead. The portal blinked away, and Inuyasha and Kagome dropped to ground exhausted.

"Ah, I didn't mean to scare them off like that." Miroku apologized. "I was just joking. Until they t older, anyway..."

Kagome waved it off. "No, it's okay. _Really_."

"Yeah." a dazed Inuyasha agreed. "Kagome, are all little kids like that in your era?"

"Definitley not. Thank god."

"Why the hell did they all have foods for names?"

"Don't know, don't care. Let's just hope we never have to see them again..."

-Fin-

* * *

A/N: This one didn't turn out like I planned, but oh well. I'm too tired to go back and redo it. If any of you readers happend to be Tokyo Mew Mew fans, I apologize for the bashing. But with Tokyo Mew Mew, how can you not bash it? ;) For those of you not familiar with these words, here's a short definition: Sentai- A group of costumed super-heros. (Think Sailor Moon or the Power Rangers.) Edo- Tokyo's orignal name, back in the old days. 

The next ficlet will take away, so don't expect anything until at least next weekend, but hopefully it will be better than this. So review, have a nice day, and please come again! Thank you!


	8. Death by Fanfic

_**xXxXxXxXxXxXx**_

**Death by Fanfic**

_**xXxXxXxXxXxXx**_

This was it. The most final of all final showdowns. Naraku vs Inuyasha. And everyone else. Naraku was only a bit farther away now, most likely waiting for them to launch the attack. He was ready for them. Were they ready for him?

"Inuyasha! Slow down!" Kagome commanded in vain. The gang gathered in a circle around Inuyasha, who had probably already broken a world record for 'fastest consumption of ramen'. He was still going at it, shoveling handfuls of ramen into his mouth, which was stretched open as much as he could possibly get it. "Mrumgle...mmprepare...guggle...energrumble...fightmmummgle." Was his reply, which, carefully translated, meant "I need to prepare and get some energy for the fight with Naraku." Only no one knew he said that because there was so much ramen stuffed in his mouth.

"Inuyasha," Kagome scolded, "If you don't slow down, you'll-"

"Agggrr!" Inuyasha suddenly dropped the bowl of ramen and his hands went to his throat.

"-choke?" Everyone peered in closer as the half-demon rolled on the ground, trying to forced the ramen out of his windpipe. When he began to turn blue in the face, they decided it was time to do something.

"Does anyone know how to do the Hemlich Manuver?" Kagome cried.

"The wha?"

"Try hitting him on his back!" Shippo suggested.

"No, no!" a worried Kagome shook her head in despair, "That's suppose to make it worse! Someone do the Hemlich on him!"

"Lady Kagome, we don't know what that is!"

"Gggugg!"

Kagome was the only here who knew what the Hemlich Manuver was. But she wasn't certain on how to do it, and was afraid she'd end up breaking Inuyasha's breastplate. But his face was now a shade of purple, his eyes wide and rolling, and right as Kagome decided to wing it and perform the Manuver, he stopped thrashing. This wasn't a good thing though, since his cheast wasn't moving, nor any of the rest of him. They all stared with wide eyed horror as Miroku, who bent down to check his pulse, shook his head sadly. Kagome burst into tears.

"NOOOOOO!" She crumpled on the ground, tears spewing out her eyes like a water sprinkler. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" Nothing anyone did could console her, and pretty soon, she had probably broken a world record herself, for 'longest and hardest crying'. The grass beside her were getting so over-watered by this that they nearly drowned. Two hours later, while the rest of them were still dicussing whether or not they should still go after Naraku, they noticed that Kagome wasn't crying anymore. In fact, she wasn't doing _anything _anymore.

"Oh no...all that crying must have completely dehydrated her!" Sango declared with rue.

"Is that even possible...?"

"WAHH!" Shippo wailed, but was qucikly stopped by both Sango and Miroku. They didn't need him dehydrating to death too.

"Sniff..what are we gonna do?" He asked. But before anyone could answer, (which was actually quite fortunate since they didn't know how to answer) Sesshomaru showed up, wrinkling his nose and looking confused. He glared at the others and grudingly asked, "Where is my half-brother? And why do I smell death?"

"Be-because..." Shippo exclaimed in a squeaky voice, "They died!" Then broke off into more tears.

"My little brother? Dead?" He leaned over to look, then turned to Mirkou. "How?"

"He...choked on ramen."

"Choked on ramen?" Sesshomaru echoed. Something stragne was happening to him. His face was all screwed up. "Choked?" And he erupted into laughter, startling everyone. "Hah...ha ha...choked on..ha ha ha...choked on r-ramen! Ha ha, oh my, that's rich, ha hah hah!"

Some yards away, Jaken and Rin were trying to catch up with their beloved Sesshomaru, who had ran ahead of them. Jaken, of course, was trying to lose Rin. He didn't want to share Sessohmar with her. "Why don't you just go wait over there, and I'll go get Lord Sesshomaru myself."  
"No! Rin wants to get Lord Sesshomaru!"

"Argg! Go jump in a lake, Rin!"

"Why?" She asked indignantly.

"Because...because Lord Sesshomaru said so!"

Rin changed instantly upon hearing this. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Now go away!" And off Rin went, heading towards the lake they passed earlier so she could jump in it. Despite the fact that she couldn't swim in deep water. Jaken went ahead and nearly fainted when he saw Sessohmaru rolling on the ground, clutching his stomach, laughing. His lord never laughs!

"Maybe it's hysteria?" Sango asked, thinking the same thing as Jaken. Sessohmaru hadn't stopped yet, and he was starting to laugh more than breathe. Everyone watched as if they were paralyzed. Sesshomaru's own face was begining to turn blue just as his half-brother's did before. So even if anyone could do that Hemlich Manuver thing, it wouldn't help since he wasn't choking on anything but his laughter. He just laughed and laughed and laughed until he died.

"NOOOO!" Jaken cried, "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"

Apparently history doesn't take too long to repeat itself, the others thought with a shudder, but Jaken didn't continue crying. Instead, he reached down and pulled out a sword Sesshomaru was carrying. "I will revive you, my lord!" He shouted, trying to lift the sword. How did it work anyway? Nothing was happening. Being so small, he couldn't keep the huge sword up, and he staggered back. The sword got off balance and dropped down. Into poor Jaken. And unfortnately, he had pulled out the wrong sword; the one that was forged from an Orge's fang, not the one that brought people back to life. The others grimaced and turned away.

Only to be greeted by Naraku, flanked with his two shades, Kanna and Kagura. "What's taking so long?" He demanded, "Our most final of final showdowns was supposed to take place hours ago!" He paused, frowning, and counted them. Three, the monk, the slayer, and the kitsune. As he was about to ask, a whirlwind gushed by, and out popped Koga.

"Where is my precious Kagome?"

"Uh, over there." Sango pointed, almost automatically.

"Huh? But why is she acting like she's dead?"

"Um, I think she is dead."

"NOOOO!" He cried, shaking his fists to the sky, "IT'S ALL INUYASHA'S FAULT!"

"Enough of this nonsense!" Naraku barked, "I am ending this once and for all! Kagura! Destory them!"

Kagura started forward, then whirled back around to Naraku. "Wait a minute. I thought _you _were ending this! Why do I have to do your dirty work?"

"Do not question me, wench!" He snapped, but his face redden. "Attack!"

"Hmpf. Whatever." She rolled her eyes and pulled the wind in, sending sharping blasts of it towards their enemies.

"You may control the wind, but I can absorb it!" Shouted Miroku, throwing up his arm. "Wind tunnel!"

Well, the wind stopped, but not because Kagura was pulled in. Actually, she was staring at the odd sight in front of her: Miroku's aim had been off, and he accidently sucked in Shippo, Koga, and Kanna. But all at once. Now three pairs of legs were wiggling out of the back of his hand, the three of them jammed in the hole. This had never happend before. Miroku, either from pain or from panic, took his non-cursed hand to smack them in the rest of the way. Except now his wind tunnel was very stretched out, like a size small T-shirt going on a plus sized man, and it began to rip. Miroku, realizing this just a second too late, shouted out his last words. (Which weren't very monk-like, by the way, so they were will censored out.) When the speeding winds had finished, nothing but a small crater remained.

Now it was down to just Sango, Naraku, and Kagura. Sango was in shock after all of this, the only one of the group left alive, and she stood silent with her mouth agape. Naraku, on the other hand, didn't seem much fazed by anything, and he motioned for Kagura to make her move. But Kagura had her own plans.

She side-stepped over some and reached down for Kanna's mirror, which she must've dropped when she was being sucked up. "You won't be able to take her soul with that, you fool." said Naraku, "Only Kanna can. Or could."

Kagura just smirked and edged closer to him. She held up the mirror by the side, so the sharp rim was up, and suddenly brought it down hard on Naraku's head. Caught off guard, he wasn't able to defend himself, but he could take the traitorous shade down with him since he had her heart. So he did. The two died right about the same time, both glaring at each other with hate as the went.

Sango's mind finally kicked in, and, with all her might, she threw her Boomerang Bone directly ahead of herself. It was a shame that her mind kicked in ten mintues too late, for her enemies were gone and there was no one for her weapon to hit. This information also came to her late, so while she was gazing about to see who she was fighting, her Boomerang Bone did what all boomerangs do: it came back. She wasn't paying attention though. So then, with a sickening crack, the Boomerang flew into her, crushed her skull on contact, and knocked her waaay back. The demon-slayer's very last thought was, 'What a stupid way to die...'

Oh, it was a very sad day indeed. These were not the only ones to go. Lady Kaede had a heart attack, her sister Kikyo fell off cliff, Totosai was accidently sat on by his three-eyed bull, the three-eyed bull was so grief-stricken at what he'd done that he wandered off and ended up in poor village struck with famine, where the grateful villagers made grilled steak and hamburgers out of him, Myoga was stepped on and squished, Kagome's family got run over by an ambulence (talk about ironic), and Kohaku's scared shard fell out when he was scratching his itchy back. So yeah, things weren't going so swell today. But is this the end?

No siree bob.

Because the author of these really strange ficlets can't stand everyone being dead, because if everyone was dead, there'd be no _Inuyasha_ and she wouldn't be able to write more fanfics 'bout it. So she brings them all back to life, even Naraku (since an antagonist is needed, afterall), and they all live happily ever after.

Or, if anything, they all live.

Now's it's the end!

-FIN!-

* * *

A/N: This was the hardest ficlet of this collection to write. Because it's very difficult to write a death fic spoof were everyone dies, while still keeping a light mood. Death is not something most think of as funny. So I had to try and make the ways they died funny, but I'm not sure I got the desired result. Kinda morbid humor stuff, I guess. But hey, I brought everyone back with my awesome magical author power! By the way, I realize I might have spelled a few -or several- things wrong. Please don't throw bowling balls at me. Also, the death of Naraku was very simple and unlikely, I know, but that _is_ something that would only happend in a fanfic, so HA! 

Meh. I'm just lazy.


	9. Trival Tibits or The Things They Never

A/N: This fic really doesn't have a plot-line of any kind. It's just a bunch of random things you'd never hear the characters say in the manga or anime, and for good reason. The hypens (--) separate each conversation or statement, which is written in script-style, mainly for convientence. (Convient for me, anyway.) And when something is in parenatheses-or however ya spell it- it's being thought, not spoken.

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**Trival Tibits**

Or **The Things They Never Say**

_IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII_

Kikyo: Hey Kagome...nice outfit.

--

Inuyasha: I wish I had some shoes. My feet hurt.

--

Hojo: So, if you're not busy this Friday night, would like to go see a movie with me?

Kagome: Um, I have a doctor's appointment then.

Hojo: Oh? Well, how about Saturday?

Kagome: Uh, cousin's wedding day.

Hojo: How about Sunday?

Kagome: Oh my God, can't you take a hint?

--

Naraku: Kagura, have you been using my masscara again? I'm nearly out!

--

Random kid: Hey lady, can I have a try out your giant boomerang?

Sango: Sorry kid, but my Boomerang Bone isn't a toy.

Kid: ...yes it is.

Sango: Ssh! Quiet! If anyone finds out that I got this from Toys R Us...

--

Kikyo: Pure has become impure. Impure has become pure.

Inuyasha: ...

Kikyo: Red has become blue. Blue has become red.

Inuyasha: ...?

Kikyo: Up is now down. Down is now left. Left is Right. Right is now fifty-two...

Inuyasha: (Kikyo is now bananas.)

--

Kohaku: That's so mean:reads: _"Now he's back in a new, if **slower**, form." _I am not slo...uh...wait, what was I doing?

--

Kagome: Souta, here's your Wacky Meal from WacDonald's.

Souta: _Yess! _

Kagome: (Huh. Why does this seem familar...)

Souta: Bla bla blaah! I'm likin' it!

--

Sesshomaru: I'm in love with Rin.

--

Sesshomaru: I'm in love with Kagome.

--

Sesshomaru: I'm in love with :insert anyone's name here:.

--

Miroku: Will you bear my children?

Inuyasha: Hell no! Stop asking me that, dammit! Chapter one is OVER!

Miroku: But...

Inu: NO BUTS! Besides, we can't...I mean...you know..agrrr! Go die already!

--

Sango: Shippo-chan, you're a boy right?

Shippo: Yeah...why? Don't tell me you didn't know!

Sango: Well, that bow in your hair kinda threw me off.

Inuyasha: And sometimes you're really whinny like a girl.

Shippo: I am not! Ohmigod, you guys are like, so totally not nice! WAH! You big meanie heads! I'll have you know, I got this bow on sale! So like, there!

--

Jaken: What's wrong, my lord?

Sesshomaru:sigh: Inuyasha has more friends than me.

--

Kikyo: Staying alive! Staying alive! Ah, ah, ah, staying aliveee!

--

Kagome: That jack-beep-! What a -beep-ing -beeep-! Go burn in -beep-, ya stupid, son of -beep-! -Beep-!

Inuyasha: Kagome! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Kagome: Why do you -beep-ing care?

--

Sesshomaru: Rin, I want you to stay right here and-

Rin: No! Rin will do what Rins wants to! Who do you think you are, my mother?

Sesshomaru: That's it missy, you're grounded!

--

Kagome: Hey, Inuyasha, you're about my age right?

Inuyasha: Yeah.

Kagome: But you were pinned to a tree for fifty years.

Inuyasha: So?

Kagome: So aren't you really like sixty-something years old then?

Inuyasha: ...

Shippo: Ha-ha! Inuyasha's an old fart!

--

Naraku: I'm tired of being evil. Hmm...oh, I know! I'll join the Boy Scouts!

--

Inuyahsa: What's that?

Kagome: Toliet paper.

Inuyasha: What's it for?

--

Naraku: Inuyasha:deep breathing: I am your father!

Inuyasha: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Seriously, no. You're not my father.

Naraku: Oooh. Right. Uh, sorry about that. Guess I shouldn't have cut your hand off then.

Inuyasha: S'okay, everyone makes mistakes.

--

Kagome: Inuyasha, Kikyo can have you! I need a _real _demon. Oooh Koga!

Inuyasha: Ouch.

--

Kikyo: Inuyasha, Kagome can have you! I'm going to marry Naraku!

Inuyasha: Whaaa:falls over:

--

Kagura: Does this kimono make me look fat?

--

Kagome's mom: Why don't I have a name?

--

Shippo: I am not tiny; I am vertically challenged.

--

Sango: Am I the only one who changes clothes?

--

Kagome: Grandpa! Stops making up these ridiculous illnesses to tell my school! Can't you try something a little less far-fetched?

Grandpa: Okay, okay. Don't worry.

_The next day-_

Grandpa:on the phone: Kagome won't be coming to school today. Sick? Why, no, she's not sick. Hm? Oh, she had to jump in a well and travel back in time to Fuedal Japan to collect the scattered shards of a scared jewel and stop an evil demon.

--

Kirara: with Sango on her back (Man, my back aches. What do they think I am, a horse? And this lady could stand to lose a few pounds...)

--

Jaken: If you kiss me, I'll turn into a handsome prince!

Sesshomaru: I'll pass.

--

Kanna: Am I too pale? Maybe I need to go to the tanning salon.

--

Miroku: Salut! Comment ca va?

Sango: Pas mal.

Miroku: Moi, J'adore tu. Et toi?

Sango: Non. J'aime mieux fromage. Tu? Je deteste tu.

--

Kagome: Have we been here before?

Inuyasha: How should I know? All these villages look exactly alike!

--

Kagome: Does anyone ever die and not come back to life?

--

Mirkou: Okay, I ate the worms. Now it's your turn Sango! Truth or dare?

Sango: Tru-

Inuyasha: _Chicken_.

Sango: Grr...fine, dare!

Miroku: I dare you to run around naked, screaming "I love Miroku!", for two hours straight.

Sango: Okay.

Miroku: Really?

Sango: No. pulls out boomerang Take this, you pervert!

Miroku: Aiiiee!

Kagome: (Maybe I should've just taught them how to play 'Go Fish'.)

--

Shippo: Kagome, come quick! Inuyasha's acting all weird!

Kagome: What do mean?

Shippo: He's growling and snapping and foaming at the mouth!

Kagome: Oh no! Not rabies!

--

Kaede: Hello, sweeties! You kids are just in time! I have a batch of fresh, home-made cookies! And I knitted sweaters for all of you!

--

Jaken: I am beautiful, no matter what they saaay! Words can't bring meee down!

--

Miroku: Will bear my children?

Pretty girl: Next.

Miroku: Oh well, at least I made...counts...seventy-five cents? grumbles Stupid dating games...

--

Sango: What is it boy?

Inuyasha: Bark! Bark!  
Sango: Kagome fell down the well? Well, duh.

--

Inuyasha: Okay. I've decided.

Kagome & Kikyo: Really?

Inuyasha: Yeah, hold on. Eeny meany mighty moe, catch a tiger by his toe...

--

Shippo: Can I say it now?

Inuyasha: No.

Shippo: Can I say it _now_?

Inuyasha: No!

Shippo: Come on, cay I say it now?

Inuyasha: NO!

Shippo: ...

Inuyasha: ...

Shippo: How 'bout now?

Inuyasha: ARRG!

Kagome: Go ahead Shippo.

Shippo: Yay! Ah-hem! ...

Inuyasha: Well?

Shippo: Uh...

Inuyasha: You forgot the line, didn't you?

Shippo: ...

Inuyasha: Dummy.

Shippo: Don't call me a dummy, dummy!

Kagome: You guys...

Inuyasha: I call you what I want to, twerp!

Kagome: sigh Nevermind, I'll do it.

(Geez...) FIN!

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A/N: Well everyone, this was the very last ficlet for this collection. Honestly, I had way too much fun with it. But alas, it's time for me to move onto bigger and better things.(And by bigger and better things, I mean cheeseburgers and french fries. It's dinner time now.) Many, many, huge-o thanks to all of you who reviewed! I'm pysched that people actually read this and it made mefeel less crazy while I writing these. Cookies for everyone:) 

Oh, by the way, there is no part two to Mew Inuyasha. That was just my weird idea of a joke. (Inspired by the movie Lethal Weapon One, which doesn't have a seqeul either.) Hopefully I didn't dissapoint anyone. Eh heh.

Well, that's it people! It's been fun and I hoped you enjoyed it! Only in a Fanfic is now offically complete! TTFN!


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